In one of my more recent posts Focusing on Health After Abuse, I let everyone know that my two year anniversary of moving to North Dakota was right around the corner. Well as of today, my son and I have now been in North Dakota for two years and six days! Wow! Honestly, I wouldn’t go back in time and change my mind if you paid me to!
For those of you who are new to my blog, TWO YEARS AGO now I moved halfway across the country to start a better life for myself and my son after getting out of an abusive relationship. You can read the story on The Big Move here.
As many of you know, I am now in a relationship with a wonderful man. I wasn’t looking for a relationship when I moved here, but it would seem that there were other plans for me. We met the day after I moved here, or my first full day here. Although it took time, from the day we met we blossomed. I wanted to send a huge shout out to him, though because he has done so much for me, while not knowing he was doing much at all. These are a few of the reasons I am so thankful for him every single day.
He is Always There For Me While Giving Me Space To Heal
While it is so very true that I had to heal myself, and couldn’t rely on anyone to do that for me I need to give Bubs some credit here. Why? Because he has been there for me literally since the day I met him. I was so broken when I moved here, and he knew that. He didn’t know the details until I told him one night at the very beginning of our friendship and budding relationship. I had a feeling he was going to be in my life for the long haul, so I wanted to be fully transparent.
I haven’t had a breakdown about everything that happened in quite a while. That wasn’t always the case though. When it was so new, if I had a breakdown Bubs would sit with me while I cried it out. He didn’t try to give me any unsolicited advice, or tell me how to feel. He was and is just there. And just there is honestly all I needed. He was there to hug me, and hug me tight until everything fit back into place. To this day he knows that I am constantly working on myself and he supports that decision more than I thought anyone ever could.
He held the flashlight while I picked up the pieces.
He Supports My Dreams
Not only does he support my dreams, but both of our long term goals are pretty much aligned. He knows that working freelance is important to me. He knows that if I eventually want to work freelance full time, that I have to put in a lot of hours after working all day at my regular job. Some days more than others depending on the project at hand. He also completely understands that I have to put myself out there for new jobs which can take time. His only concern is that he doesn’t want me to burn myself out. I can completely get behind that, because he is looking out for what is best for me, us and our family.
He also knows that my blog is important to me. This warms my heart because I’ll say something like “Wow, I need to write a blog post.” He’ll then respond with “Well yeah, you haven’t posted in a while!” I don’t think he knows the extent of how long I’ve been writing and wanting to write and publish, but that’s okay. He is super supportive, and that alone is enough for me.
When I am working on either my blog or my freelance projects, I usually sit in the living room with him while he watches TV and I work away. Another big thing is that he doesn’t make me feel like I’m doing anything wrong. Sometimes he’ll ask me what I’m working on. After getting out of an abusive relationship, at first I felt like he didn’t trust me. (Like he was accusing me of doing something I wasn’t supposed to be doing) I seriously had to “unlearn” that train of thought because that wasn’t it at all. He legitimately wanted to know what it was that I was working on, without any hidden agenda.
We Talk About Everything
This one is super important to me. Well, they all are, but this one right here is REALLY important. To me this is also about taking your partner into consideration when making decisions. We talk about everything from deciding what to have for dinner (doesn’t everyone?) to decisions about the kids, and spending money.
He is in a step parent role to my son. I’m also in a step parent role to his kids. This can get really complicated at times, but not at the same time. I think mostly because we do talk about everything with each other. The other night Bubs had to check Khalub’s attitude while he was being persistent. I wasn’t around because they were going somewhere just the two of them. Bubs told me about it right away when they got home, pretty much down to the words that were exchanged and the context. Can I tell you how much I appreciate this!? I do the same thing for him when something comes up with his kids. For once I don’t feel like a single parent, and I trust him. I absolutely love that we can be open with each other and talk about really any and everything. Even when it might make one of us feel a little uncomfortable.
I Am Free To Be Myself Around Him
I am a silly quirky person who loves to laugh, and I’m generally pretty happy (He is also pretty quirky which makes things a lot of fun!). I can also be a handful, full of attitude, and I can be very emotional at times. I know this about myself, and I am finally learning to embrace this! Around Bubs, I don’t feel like I am walking on eggshells. I can say what is on my mind, joke around with him and have a good time. I can also break down and cry. He never makes me feel like I “shouldn’t be feeling the way I feel”. I don’t feel like I have to justify why I do some of the things I do, or why I am, well me. Goodness knows that I have had my fair share of that. Being with an abuser and narcissist for so many years I always felt like I had to hide my thoughts and feelings because it would spark a negative reaction. That is not healthy at all! That is also something I don’t have to worry about any more.
Not only am I able to be myself around him, but he reminds me to be and take care of myself. Especially when I get too busy trying to take care of everyone else. When my mom passed away this man was seriously my rock! He reminds me that it’s okay to think of myself. He also reminds me that it’s okay to get things for myself! LOL. I always remember what the kids need for school, or that this kid needs deodorant etc… (moms you know what I’m talking about!), but I always seem to forget myself. He reminds me of that.
Some of you may be reading this with a look of confusion on your face. Some of you might also be shaking your head in agreement. The things on this list honestly should just come naturally. With Bubs they do, but in an abusive relationship these things are about as real as a magical unicorn.
So while it has been my responsibility to heal myself and figure out who I am again, I want to give the man I love a big thank you. Thank you for showing me what a healthy relationship looks like. Thank you for hugging me back together. Thank you for supporting my dreams and even dreaming with me. Thank you for respecting me and talking about everything with me even when it doesn’t seem important. Finally thank you for loving me on my worst days when it seems like the sky is falling down. I have done a lot to work on myself, and at times it may seem like you haven’t done much at all. Trust me when I say that you have. By simply loving me for who I am, even if I’m still trying to figure that out.